Absurdities

I came across this piece of writing from a lay member of the Holy Cross Catholic Church:

“Being an Anglican and then married into the Catholic church, I had to make
this journey into the Faith after hearing so many misconceptions. So far, my
journey into the Faith has opened an inner eye (heart) to be able to identify my
calling and purpose that God has for me in life. He is teaching me to cleave to
him continuously so He can mold and remold me where necessary.

“If you don’t read the Bible, you are uninformed; if you do read the Bible,
you are well-informed. But, we can only ask for a more intimate relationship and
understanding according to Ephesians 1.17-19, which says ‘that the God of our
Lord, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation
resulting in knowledge of Him.’

I am looking forward to the Easter Mass celebration to receive his
Body and Blood for a never ending joy in my life. I also want to use this medium
to thank especially my sponsor, Mrs Laura H…, for helping me in this journey
and for buying me my very first rosary and all the team who taught me.”
–Chinedum I.

Excuse me whilst I gag. The best I can say is that perhaps we can give Chinedum the benefit of the doubt with regard to a possible language barrier.

Ok… Where to begin…

“Cleave to him continuously”? What on earth is that supposed to mean? Assuming that in this context, Chinedum means “to cling or stick” as opposed to “to split apart,” (see http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cleave,) this still makes no metaphysical sense. How does one “cling to” a being entirely otherworldly and in no means physically present? Apparently, only in a phsychological sense, akin to the fashion in which people still “cling to” the notion that the earth is flat, despite all evidence to the contrary (no kidding: see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_Earth_Society).

Next: “We can only ask for a better understanding of God.” I’m paraphrasing; it could be argued that what Chinedum meant was the Bible, not God. I’ll get to that. But the Bible quote ends with “resulting in knowledge of Him,” which seems to suggest that God is also implicated. Seemingly, by “better,” Chinedum means “improved over the present state.” Last time I checked, God was defined as utterly otherworldly and completely unknowable (A convienient way to circumvent the petty inconvienience of not having any evidence to His credit). That’s one of the first items on God’s resume. Therefore, any understanding is unthinkable, and simply asking for it will assuredly not get Chinedum any closer.

And, of course, my favorite. “If you read the Bible, you’re well-informed.” Well-informed about the opinions of the handful of nomadic tribesmen who wrote and compiled the bible, not to mention a couple of millenia worth of translatiors. Well-informed about who to stone and what for (Deuteronomy 3.7-11: “If [anyone] tries to secretly seduce you, saying ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ … you must kill him…You must stone him to death, since he has tried to divert you from Yaweh your God”). And well-informed, of course, about sundry mythological “facts” which have no bearing or application whatsoever in scientifically-informed modern-day life. Perhaps in Chinedum’s native tongue, “well-informed” is defined a bit differently.

Thanks for reading.