Making fun of chain mail, part seven

Notes: Isn’t it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell.

For starters, the sentence should end in a question mark…

Seriously, though. What exactly is the argument here? Apparently, it’s something like, the world is going to hell because people ‘trash’ god. No, no, no, NO! Correlation ≠ causation! See: http://www.seanbonner.com/blog/archives/001857.php

Ooh… or maybe it’s more like, people who ‘trash’ god are those responsible for the world ‘going to hell.’ Intresting. Have a look at Sam Harris’ The End of Faith. Or Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_war.

Isn’t it funny how someone can say ‘I believe in God’ but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also ‘believes’ in God).

Stuff like this makes me depressed. How much lower can people sink?

Point #1. No, it isn’t funny.

Point #2. Still haven’t mastered the whole “end-an-interrogative-with-a-question-mark” thing, yet, huh? (See? Question marks!)

Point #3. Insofar as we take “I believe in god” to be equivalent to “I believe god exists,” there is no reason that we can’t thereafter ‘follow satan.’ (gag.) I believe John McCain exists, but that doesn’t mean I follow him.

Point #4. I believe with all my heart in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Your religion is completely wrong and I hereby arbitrarily declare mine to be infallible. I will now go forth into the world to live by eons old doctrines that make no sense and corrupt young children such that my nonsensical dogma will live for centuries to come.

(I grant that point 4 was somewhat unrelated.)

…

Isn’t it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.

The punctuation gods are going to freaking kill you, lady!  It’s my responsibility to appease them! Silence, please:

Here, oh holy masters of commas and question marks, is my humble offering; may you bless and protect this poor, misguided soul who has lost her way, and is ignorant of your heavenly symbols.

???????????????????????????????????????????

Amen.

That taken care of, the simple explanation is that people exist, whereas god doesn’t. So needless to say, you’re going to be more concerned with the thoughts of existent entities, rather than nonexistent ones. 

This concludes my shredding of this material. Suffice to say that I found it immensely enjoyable, and hopefully others did too.

Making fun of chain mail, part six

Easy vs. Hard
Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie?
Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones?
Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one….
There are no costs, but wonderful rewards… GOD BLESS!

Okay. I have several points to make with the first part of this chunk, regarding varying levels of difficulty in stating truth- or false-hoods. First: What does this have to do with the rest of the email? Second: The difficulty of telling the truth is wholly dependent on the nature of the situation. Admitting involvement in a crime is one thing, admitting that 2+2=4 is another. Third: Contrary to what appears to be the implication of the question (namely, that difficulty of telling the truth is somehow indicative that we should devote time to our imaginary friend, god), there are perfectly reasonable psychological and behavioral explanations for difficulty telling the truth. “I robbed the bank,” a truth, will bring about jail time (positive punishment). “That guy robbed the bank,” a falsehood, will prevent jail time (negative reinforcement). Obviously, then, the inclination of the individual in this or similar situations is to tell the falsehood rather than the truth. But again, this does nothing to advance the arguments presented in the email.

Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?

Again: What does this have to do with anything? The preacher is droning on and on when suddenly he stops talking and some other auditory input commences. You wake up. Wow. Amazing. Moving on…

Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones?

Because ”godly email” is a waste of time. I’m not sure how the writer is defining “nasty ones,” so I can’t really make any counterarguments to that claim.

Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one….
There are no costs, but wonderful rewards… GOD BLESS!

An all-too-common one. “Prayer” isn’t really a gift, because it’s something one does. I would argue that one doesn’t really “receive” prayer, as it’s pretty obvious prayer does nothing at all except function as a psychological band-aid. So, if one counts psychological band-aids as “wonderful,” I guess the statement is accurate. Other psychological band-aids, I might point out, include denial, unhealthy defense mechanisms, and drugs and alcohol.

…And of course the requisite “God bless.” Whatever that means. (Side note: Want to demonstrate the absurdity of any prayer/incantation/religious blathering? Simply replace the word “god” with “flying spaghetti monster.”)

FSM bless!

This is part six in a seven-part series. Read part seven here: http://beyondtheflock.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/making-fun-of-chain-mail-part-seven/

Making fun of chain mail, part five

This has been one of my most (or least, depending on your views) popular series, so I thought I’d continue with  it.

Yes, I do Love God.
HE is my source of existence and Savior.
He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)
This is the simplest test.
If You Love God… And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you…
Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you!

I don’t really have any problems with people “loving” god. I love the flying spaghetti monster, so I can absolutely relate to that particular two-place relation.

I do have a problem with the “HE is my source of existence” bit, which is completely biologically inaccurate. It’s actually quite easy to rewrite the sentence for increased scientific accuracy. The new sentence reads something like, “[Mommy and Daddy getting drunk one night] is my source of existence.”

On a similar note, it really bothers me when really sick people say things like, “God is keeping me alive.” Oh, does that mean we should stop the chemo? I found this cartoon expressing similar sentiments: http://atheistbloggers.ning.com/photo/photo/show?id=2213085%3APhoto%3A30

 ”He keeps me functioning each and every day” – I’ve seen this one before. It’s actually a pretty accurate statement, though it’s incoherently presented as a virtue. This one’s easily rewritten, too: “God is a psychological crutch I use.”

“This is the simplest test” … of … what?

And as for the marvelous things he’s done… I think I’ve addressed that one already.

This is part five in a seven-part series. Read part six here: http://beyondtheflock.wordpress.com/2009/01/05/making-fun-of-chain-mail-part-six/

Making fun of chain mail, part four

Yes, the series continues! I am having so much fun with this.

We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us.
If, You aren’t ashamed to do this…
Please follow the directions.
Jesus said, ‘If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.’
Not ashamed?
Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!!

This one’s kind of hard to interpret. By “HE,” is the writer reffering to god, Jesus, the holy spirit, or all of them at once? I’ll deal first with Jesus, then with god (neglecting the holy spirit, because god seems to encompass that, whatever it is).

Ok, I’m going to try to remember all Jesus has done for me. Ready? Here we go.

• He was way ahead of his time in that he proposed important moral and ethical ideas that, one could argue, really only resurfaced some 1,800 years later with Ghandi;
• He spawned the most resiliant, widespread, dogmatic, and deluded institution the Earth has ever seen: Christianity.

Other than that: nothing. We’re talking about a guy who may or may not have lived 2,000 years ago. Realistically speaking, with that kind of temporal discontiguity, there’s probably not a whole lot going on.

Now we suppose that “HE” referrs to god. This gets a little more interesting. Mr. or Ms. Chain Mail Writer would say that god’s done a lot of stuff for me, likely including designing the universe, watching over me, blah blah blah. (Ok, not a whole lot more interesting, but still.) This one’s easy. Where’s the evidence? Never have I seen, and I expect I never will, a convincing argument that necessitating the existance of god. The universe was most likely the result of some complex interaction between various laws that govern the universe.

This can go on for another month, though. “Well, God made those laws!” whines the believer. Yeah. God’s just sitting up there with a row of dials and switches, tweaking all the universal coefficients of things so the universe works out nicely. Or, we can listen to the Albert Einstiens and Stephen Hawkings of the world. But who wants to bother with that? We can sit in our armchairs and offer arbitrary conjectures that divine beings made the world, or we can find actual, scientific data regarding the matters that we’re looking into. Yup; I’m definitely going for the armchair.

Ok. Now we’re going to work on the whole “are-you-ashamed-of-Jesus” question. I don’t think “ashamed” is really the right word. I am absolutely not ashamed of Jesus, but given my particular belief set, I suspect that I’m supposed to be. Why would I be “ashamed” of a guy who (again) may or may not have lived 2,000 years ago?

Oh, wait a minute. I’m remembering something. Yeah… There was that one time when I was in a bar, and Jesus was there, and I was trying to tell this joke, and Jesus kept interrupting and messing it up. That was really embarrasing. Ok, nevermind. I’m wrong. I am ashamed of Jesus, my friends. I am going to Hell to burn for all eternity.

… Dang.

This is part four in a seven-part series. Read part five here: http://beyondtheflock.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/making-fun-of-chain-mail-part-five/

Making fun of chain mail, part three

We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning…
Maybe, Sunday night…
And, the unlikely event of a midweek service.
We do like to have Him around during sickness….
And, of course, at funerals.
However, we don’t have time, or room, for Him during work or play…
Because.. That’s the part of our lives we think… We can, and should, handle on our own.
May God forgive me for ever thinking…
That… There is a time or place where..
HE is not to be FIRST in my life.

This is just intensely pitiful. To summarize: “We go to church on Sunday like we’re supposed to, but why aren’t we thinking about God all the rest of the time?”  Really, the writer answers his/her own question here: “Because.. That’s the part of our lives we think… We can, and should, handle on our own.” Poorly stated and poorly punctuated, but nonetheless, valid. I propose that we now observe a celebratory period of sheer delight that Mr. or Ms. Chain Mail Writer finally got something right.

That’s really all I have to say about this one. If we can handle our lives without invoking divine crutches, why not go for it? Again, forget the ancient doctrine and get on with your lives, people!

This is part three in a seven-part series. Read part four here: http://beyondtheflock.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/making-fun-of-chain-mail-part-four/